Ned pulled the sword out of his leg and tossed it onto the floor. He managed to stay upright. Somehow, keeping himself standing, despite having no experience with getting stabbed. And, he noted, looking pretty cool at the same time.

He briefly wondered why the woman had chosen to throw the sword instead of just using it in the traditional way. There was no doubt that it scared the living shit out of him, but now she didn’t have a sword, and he did. Well, he would have had he not tossed it on the floor.

The woman raised an eyebrow. This accompanying her pointy little ears made her look like a cosplayer from some fantasy movie that he had never seen of. Ned felt his leg throbbing with pain and could not for the life of him understand why Viking hadn’t come to save him yet.

The woman, who he expected would run, stood her ground. She was an imp. A small variant of Elf. Four feet tall and skinny, inhumanly skinny, with sparkling purple eyes that looked like stars. This one, Neetu Ro-something-or-other, was a po-faced bitch with black hair, enormous head, and a nose ring.

“Fuck you human! You dirty fucking ape wanker!” she called across the open car park. This proved to Ned that she was exactly as much as a bitch as he had been expecting her to be.

Ned, though only recently part of this strange underworld, was learning one thing fast. He did not like aliens!

Chapter 1